I'm humbled as I sit there and write tonight. I just got some sad news about a very close friend of mine, we grew up together and shared many life experiences in our teen years. The news I got today made me take a good long and hard look at myself. If I plan to be around for my children and grandchildren I need to straighten up and fly right on the road to a healthier me!

I admit the motivation has not been there for me and I kind of allowed this to be a good excuse not to do anything, but now it is time to get moving. I still have so much more to live for, in fact I feel like I've been so busy raising up my family that I have not really started the business of living for myself. After thirty five years of parenting you just shift all your focus naturally to your children and put your wants and needs on a shelf for a later time. My time is now. My kids, bless all their hearts, are grown, healthy, working and living on their own. So now its time for me to do for me.

I will admit to needing some work on this though. It takes changing an entire mindset, over thirty years worth. I pray that God gives me the strength and my friend gives me the motivation to do what I need to do.

Now on a more sombre note: I wrote an email to my ex husband. I was making an honest attempt to try to call a peace period between us for the sake of my daughter and her fiance who just got engaged. I felt we needed to try this because it would break my heart if we did anything that would hurt the kids and ruin what should be a beautiful time in their lives. But like all the other emails I've written him, he blew this one off too.

I will not try again because it took a lot to get me to do this in the first place. I wont say it was a mistake trying because for the sake of the kids it was worth it to us. I'm disappointed he is being so callous with the feelings of his children and his childrens mother and step father. All I can say is that we tried and I don't know what to say or do at this point other than just letting it go now.

In calling this peace period I fear one of my children would think I was discounting their feelings and thier own personal issue with him. I hope they understand I would never do that and we are behind them ALL the way. I will never ever in this or any other life time back down on something so important.  

David and I will not let anything or anyone get in the way of our family or putting our children in a difficult spot. As far as we are concern what ever the kids want, we will abide by. 

I am going to get ready for bed, it has been a long day and I have not felt so well. Allergies are beating me up today.

I hope my son made it back home safely and enjoys the food I sent with him. Good night all...