This is a bit of a touchy-sensitive subject, but it is an issue in my children's lives right now so I feel it is important enough to talk about it here today. 

One of my children, and I will not say who, because I think they should be able to come to me and be comfortable enough to discuss things that are bothering them, and to do that without worrying I will out them in one of my blogs. 

We were having a conversation about how I am trying to make things less difficult for them and finding a way to co exist peacefully with their father. I brought up the subject because I know there will be family events coming up soon and I don't want these happy events to turn into sad ones because us parents can't be in the same room together. 

Their question to me? Why is it that their father's wife has done nothing (on her own) to try and get to know any of them? They noted she never did anything before, during their engagement or even after they were married to even try and get to know them regardless of the situation going on. No gestures or attempts directly from her to them that she was even interested in knowing them or having them be part of their lives. 

Our conversation went a little deeper and they stated that when their step dad (David) came into their lives they didn't do anything different with him either. So noted, David took the time to get to know the kids, spend time with them. He showed them he cared about them and their feelings, enough for them to allow their father to be such a close and intricate part of our family still. 

This is almost unheard of back then, but that never mattered to him. He knew enough when he came into our lives to not upset the balance we had going on between everyone. He did this because he is one of the least selfish people I have ever met in this life. My ex husband was one of the other least selfish people. Stands to reason I picked two men in my life to are very alike in that respect.

Now, as for today? there is no balance what so ever. This is concerning and upsetting to the kids, more so than I knew from our little conversation today. They feel on the outside of the Marquette families to some degree still today, and sadly, they now feel on the outside of their own fathers life and this is very sad and very wrong. 

David is not a perfect person, none of us are, but he is a great step-parent. He didn't come barging into this family making demands about how things are 'supposed' to be and not supposed to be. David respected the dynamics of this family and for that they love and respect him. He truly did earn his place in their lives. It was not always wine and roses but he hung in there because this family truly means something dear to him and he loves me enough to respect the way thing were at that time. 

So what was my helpful advice to them? Sadly, I didn't have any thing positive to say about this situation that could be helpful. I don't know what to say and that is the Gods honest truth. The only thing I could offer them is to tell them me and David would try from our end of things to be more open to future possibilities and restoring family peace.

I want to work things out with their father but my heart and my head want nothing what so ever to do with his wife so this is extremely tricky. I still believe what I believe and deep down inside my soul I know I am not off the radar on this one, something is just not right.

The kids spent years watching what the families in Marquette behaved like where we were concerned and I think that it's not so easy for them to be forgiving of the hurt they caused this family. I do see my kids trying by talking to that side of the family, but it is a strained thing for them and does not always feel so natural.

They have their guard up and rightfully so. For us to pretend the past didn't happen and not validate any ones feelings is not very realistic in my opinion, most especially if people want to move forward. Life is just not that simple, even if we want it to be.

I don't want this to sound unreasonable either because I am really not interested in going there, trust me, I really do want some peace between all of us, but it is going to be an uphill battle for some of us. That's just the way it is. 

I don't know what else I can say or do about anything right now. I can only tell you I was fully prepared to move on and live my life without my ex husband being any part of it anymore; because that little window of opportunity was pretty close to being shut down for good before I sat down and took a good hard look at the obvious dysfunction going on.

In my view I only had two ways to go with this. One was to let the door close for good, or to try and come with some type of resolution for my children's sake. I chose my children, I will always choose my children. I just don't know where to take it from this point on, so I will let the chips fall where they may.

I understand that we have to find some common ground with my ex husband if I want my children to be happy. I know for a fact it has been stressing them out and making them feel in the middle by us not getting along. I never wanted that for them and it does hurt my heart to see them in the middle of all this crap.

Validation is a powerful tool that some people should really have learned how to use. Could have made a such a big difference in the outcome of everything that has happened in all our lives....