My eyes feel messed up today and my body hurts. The blow I took on my head yesterday was hard to the point my shoulder hurts. I don't think I've ever felt pain like that before. I have a new hate for Chevy uplanders with a passion! Who thought a DVD player in there was a good idea, let alone sticking it so close to the front seats?

Last night me and David went over to the office to cut some lettering for one of the local businesses. It was probably the last lettering we will cut for anyone. As we sat together talking and working, we took a ride down memory lane of the times past in our business. We had some laughter but mostly tears of what once was and will never be again.

There have been so many memories in that place over the last twelve years. At one point we had the entire family working with us, those were the most memorable and best times ever because we were all together, sharing, helping to get things done.

The last minute SOS phone calls from David for all of us rush down to the office to help him weed a project that needed to get out the next day. The countless hours we all spent together trying to help him as best we could. We never failed either, working together as a family made many things possible.

David always grateful for the family stepping up to the plate. I was always proud of how the family stepped up to to the plate and how we all worked side by side to get things done. 

Late night Pepsi, taco's, pizza or some other kind of junk food, laughing, joking and just generally goofing off while we worked. Some of us annoyed because we had to rush the work and made mistakes, but also fixed the mistakes, felt pride and kept going. We all just worked together flawlessly....

Our business suffered a huge loss with the move we made in good faith and a promise that things would be okay. We were never able to recover from that move and things were not okay. Six months of living in limbo while working to renovate a building we thought we were going to be in forever fell completely though. Promises had been broken, trust had been destroyed and suddenly we became a family in major crisis. 

Sadly we came to the conclusion last night that we are going to have to finish the inevitable and close doors completely. I cried as I sat in David's office chair looking at him and seeing the pain in eyes thinking he was the one who failed us. He blames himself for getting depressed and losing focus, but trust me, he was not the blame. The circumstances of him fighting so hard to hang on to something that was dying and out of his control was not his fault. 

I know that some of us have moved on from the building experience and others of us have not. I am not sure I will ever get over that myself. My dream to have something for myself was squashed right along with everything and everyone else. 

I think the thing that hurts the most is the lack of confidence that our family could have succeeded in building and growing this new business. I know we all would have worked hard because we all did work hard to begin with. We were doing our part.

Most of us were there working long hours into the evenings on building walls, dry walling, painting and cleaning. We put so much time and effort into that building. There is no way we couldn't have succeeded.

Our only failure was trusting one person to follow though like he promised all of us he would do. 

So, life goes on but not without this lingering bitterness. Maybe one day it will go away, I can't say for sure. I can forgive a lot of things, but this feels too heavy. Each time I try and find a resolve I can live with, something happens to throw the iron back into the fire. It' feels completely hopeless.

I need to get moving with my day. I hope everyone is having a good one so far. The sun is out and shining bright. Make it a good one!