Babe,  I am so busy today with house stuff I am not sure if I will have time to write later on tonight. We have so much to get done before Thanksgiving, I've been cleaning and running errands all day.

But I had to come here and take some time to tell you something that I feel you need to hear from me.

I stopped at the office today so I could unlock the door for the kids. I guess they have a show in GB this weekend and will need to get their equipment out.

I don't think I've ever been in the office alone before, you or someone else were always there.  I finished opening the back door and came out to lock up the front office and happened to glance over at your desk.

I felt this instant sadness inside, it just struck me that we had so much history in this room. I turned and looked over at the door and had flashes of the family and the band in its earlier days walking through the door. It moved me to tears standing there. What was once so happy and productive, was now so cold and lonely.

I understand why you felt such darkness being there the past several months. I could barely stand it for the few minutes I was there, I don't know how you went there everyday and sat there. I really and truly understand the black place you were at.  Everything makes so much sense now.

My heart feels so sad and I know how you got lost in that place of emptiness.  If I could hugg you right now I would. You did not deserve any of that.  I am so sorry I couldn't see what you were seeing at that time. I don't think anyone could see this from your perspective.

I am so sorry you felt so alone there. The office now seems like an empty shell of what used to be something good.

 None of this was your fault in any way. You have to believe that because it is the truth. I won't go into everything because I know you understand where I am heading with this.

I am proud of you for so many reasons, but mainly, for never giving up on me and the kids when Scott chose to turn away from all of us and the building. 

His decisions and how they affected this family are something I know he will never understand. He does not have the compassion or conscience to deal with or even understand the truth of how this hurt most of us.

Some people might think, including himself that he owed us nothing, but he went right along with functioning as a member in this family and he did indeed have obligations and a responsibility to follow though with what he started. I'm just sorry he can't or won't see it.

You stood there alone when he walked away, you cleaned up the mess when he left you to deal with it. You acted with the compassion to help the boys when they felt alone, even though you were battling your own depression and anxiety.

You never gave up on any of us when you could have tossed your hands in the air and walked away too. That would have been real easy to do, but those of us who know and love you, know giving up is never an option for you.

I cannot understand why life turned on all of us this way, it will never make sense to me.

I know one thing I learned in this life is that your family is priceless and should never to be taken for granted, it's too bad someone else didn't feel that way. People couldn't comprehend family was just not about DNA and walked all over what we all had with callous intentions. 

I just had to write and tell you this because standing there all alone in this cold dark office today hurt deep down and made me see things I didn't want to see. I am so sad and sorry that all happened. 

I love you so much. I am very proud of you David, very proud of how you are coming out on the other side of this colossal mess!

Hopefully and God willing, things will begin to look upward for all of us in this family.

Huggs........