My toes are icy blue! Today me and Scott had to drive out to Fleet and strip down two vans for the shuttle company. It couldn't have possibly been colder outside. We had to take out first aid kits, fire extinguishers among other needed things and for the most part the vans were sitting in snow a foot deep. I came back to the office when we were finished and enjoyed a nice cup of hot chocolate.

It's been awhile since I've had time to really sit and blog. Time is not on my side these days. I just never anticipated working full time would take such a big bite out of my personal time. On the flip side of that, I am really enjoying my job to the fullest. My office is quite comfortable to work in. I am pretty much on my own for the most part. I get to spend a lot of time on the computer or taking phone calls from drivers.

My favorite part of this job is having the flexibility to come and go as I need too. All of our drivers are pretty cool and easy to deal with. My boss is pretty cool too! 

The part of my job that gets a little tricky is we have to spend so much phone time between all of us because its really our only means of communication. Sometimes it gets hard to hear because of all the drop zones the drivers are passing though at any given moment.

Perks? there are a few cool perks, but one particular is that boss likes taking off with a group of us and having breakfast, lunch or what ever. Sometimes they get a suite and we have swimming parties at one of the choice motels, eating pizza and just hanging out. The work atmosphere is VERY relaxed MOST of the time. There are days when I want to scream but those are so very few and far between. I really like what I am doing.

I have not updated since, looks like November. Christmas was great. As always the entire family was together. Kids all made it home and we were thrilled about that. We even spent one day with Scott and his family at our home. In as much as it was great seeing Scott at the house with our kids, it was a tiny bit awkward. It does not look natural for any of us seeing him with another family. It will likely take some time for us to get used too. 

Life changes on a dime, yes indeed it does. For the last two years none of us ever thought for a second we would ever be normal again with the problems that existed between all of us and Scott. Two very long years and a mountain of pain. But Scott has been part of my life and our family since the beginning so forgiving the past and moving to the future was the right thing to do.

I'm not saying we are a hundred percent back, I don't believe we ever will be. Things could never be the same, they just cant be because too much went on and for far too long.

The difficult thing for me to deal with is what Scott's three sisters did to my family because of the annulment. I feel they used his annulment as a means to hurt me because it truly bothered them that Scott and I remained close after the divorce. They always saw that as something really abnormal. Some of his sisters were bound to change it to what 'they deemed' more normal, for them anyway.

The lies they told about me concerning who I am as a person and what kind of mother I am were truly horrendous. I still have occasional bad nights when I think about it. (I try hard not too) but I am human and it happens. 

I wish my ex husband could have set them strait and righted the wrong toward me, it might not sting as bad, but I am pretty sure he didn't. Scott has big issues with confrontation. He avoids it like the plague. I'm not holding him responsible for what his sisters said about me, but I can't help but think this whole process was started in part by him. I wish he would have had the courage to stand up and tell the truth to his family, and I have a small part of me still wonders if he thinks like they do. I should know better, but one never knows what another person thinks or how they see things. I just know my truth and my children know the truth so that will have to be enough.

The only thing they really accomplished was hurting and alienating my children to the point of them not wanting anything to do with any of them. You cant hurt me and expect my children not to feel the hurt too. I often wonder if any of them have even a little conscience or feel a slight remorse for lying and causing so much hurt for so many people? 

The real truth is they don't know me as a person, they never did. They have no idea what kind of mother I am, they could not possibly know this information. Truth be told they don't even know their own brother because they had so little to do with him for the last thirty eight years of his life. 

I am happy to not be like them in any manner. I would never hurt any of their children given how much I despise each of them for what they have done to me and mine. I am a better person than that and thankful I didn't grown into bitter spiteful people like they have. 

Well my final word on that is hopefully God forgives them because I never will! 

On on lighter note and to end this blog. I need to get home and feed animals and think about dinner. Stay warm out there folks because the next few days are going to be nasty cold! :)

Not sure when I will get back here to write but I will be back. Keep an eye and check back on occasion, something will pop up...  Chow for now.. Happy 2016!