I am not even sure I should be writing this blog!  I have a very hard time keeping my thoughts to myself so this is where I come to get things off my mind, that and I promised my husband I would not email my ex husband anymore. (long story)

Yesterday while having lunch with my husband we got on the subject of my kids father.  Now for those of you who don't know the whole long drawn out story about what has been going on over the last several months, here is a very condensed version, but trust me when I say there is so much here left unsaid. 

My ex husband and I had remained friend after our divorce.   We have been part of each others lives since I was fifteen years old.  I am now fifty three.  Never any issues between us we couldn't work out.  We have five grown children together and have always done right by them.  We have always worked together to insure they were happy and well adjusted before, during and after our divorce.  We were still a family as far as we were all concerned.  Even when some of the outside world thought it was wrong.  My ex husband and current husband were friends too.  We all worked on making things work.

But my ex husband met a woman who didn't agree with us being so close.   I was told this to my face by her, she said in her own words that it was" unnatural".   After spending thirty seven years getting along in life with my ex, working together, sharing family vacations and other family functions, everything came to a screeching halt.  We have not seen my ex husband in seven months, not even once.  He has completely cut me and my husband and the extended family out of his life.  This would be the part of this story that compels me to write about. 

When I was having lunch one afternoon with my husband he said something that kind of made me feel sad, but mostly in the sense he was being very sincere.   He told me it feels like my ex husband had a heart attack and died.  He felt like he was going though a grieving process and getting used to not seeing him ever again.   I felt quite connected to what he was saying because weeks prior to this; I was feeling exactly the same way.

I have written my ex husband at least 40 emails over the last seven months about how this is affecting the family, the children, me, my husband, even the animals but he has never once acknowledged that I wrote, not one of those emails were answered by him, proving to me actions really do speak louder than words and that he just doesn't care.  He walked into a brand new life leaving the old one and most of us behind.

Today  I was coming back from the eye doctor with my daughter and we were sitting at an intersection next to our office and her father drove up behind us.  I am pretty certain he did not know it was us in front of him because he has never seen his own daughters new car in person.  Well, that we are aware of anyway.  We just kind of kept talking like nothing out of the ordinary. (that was kind of strange to me)   I waited for my daughter to say something about it but she didn't say much other than telling me she had another bad dream about him where she was screaming at him again. She also told me there was nothing he could say to change what he was doing and how deeply it will affect the rest of her life and their relationship.  He can bury his head in the sand (he is very good at this) but one day it will have to be dealt with if he ever wants to have a relationship with his daughter.  He seems to be counting on once being married to this woman all will become good and live will carry on as usual.  I think he is in for a rude awakening.

We TRY not to talk about this anymore and we are getting better about it,  but it's clearly obvious we are all thinking about this whole situation still.

This should not be happening at all and I know deep down that it's not going to change and it will probably get worse until he ends up being a bad memory in a happy family that went terribly wrong.

I could email him again and try to plead with him to fix things but it will fall on deaf ears.  I will not email him anymore.   He made his bed and he will have to lay in it.   We have learned to live with far worse situations.   We didn't stop being a family, he walked away from his life, us, his home, his animals without looking back or blinking an eye.  It takes a pretty cold heart to do something like that, especially when his daughters life is so affected by what he is doing.

To me this is not what a loving or caring person does to his family. But it is what he did to us and we will learn to move on. It  really does feel like grieving a death and there is not much we can do about that.  He really went off the deep end and does not even see this himself.  Our hands are tied, we tried to talk to him, he just didn't want to listen.  The grass is never greener on the other side and I am afraid he will find that out when it is too late. 


So life goes on.......................