I feel so uneasy with my cat Mooch.  He is fifteen years old now and not in the greatest health.  The last few months have been hard on him.  He is throwing up and sleeping so much now.   I can't stand seeing him like this.  I have so much trouble watching my animals grow older.  It causes me anxiety to look into Mooches eyes some times.  I know that he knows things are not right in his world anymore.  He misses running outdoors in the warm sunshine, often found rolling around in the sand and grass, just being free. 

I love this cat so much,  it hurts to look at him and know he is changing so quickly.  I admit to having a big issue with seeing something so strong, healthy and youthful turn old, weak and sick.  I am just not good with this.  Seeing my grandfather in a nursing home as a child had some impact on why I have trouble with it today.  I watched him go from strong and happy to sickly and then death.  This is REAL hard for me, but harder on Mooch I'm sure. 

This makes me sad and almost reject spending time with him.  I know this is wrong and makes me feel so horrible inside.  I fight against those feelings and hold him because he seems to want ME these days as if to say,  I wont be here much longer, please hold me.   This is hard.......


Most of his day is spent in confusion.  He seems to be lost and scared.  I almost feel a sense of peace when I see him sleeping,  it looks like my Mooch, young, healthy and vibrant napping from a hard day of play.  

When it is time for Mooch to leave this world I know the tears will flow for a very long time.  This cat is more to me than "just a cat" and a piece of my heart will go with him.  I love you Boo Boo and hope you will be around for a long time still... you are the best cat ever!