I have a doctors appointment coming up this week that I am not looking forward too. I've decided to skip the blood work because if I get another piece of bad news I may end up in a mental hospital.  I've officially reached my breaking point.

I think losing my job, a member of our family, a big account at work (husband) my car having major transmission issues, having to sell my husbands truck, my son moving away, my baby leaving for another town and school, watching my cat sick and dying, I just can't take anymore upsets.  I know my diabetes numbers are not going to be the greatest, my blood pressure through the roof and my weight gain.  I just don't have it in me for all of this.

So in keeping with my promise to be more positive I am going to approach some of these things in this way,  I did lose my job yes, I loved it too, but all good things must come to an end so opening my own business is my only course of action.  I am almost there.... 

Losing a member of our family is something way beyond my control. In as much pain and anger it has caused, I cannot force them to be with us if that is not what they want. There is nothing I can do to change that, the one thing I can do is accept it and move on.  I am doing that...... ( a work in progress to be honest)

My car, umm that one is a little difficult, I cannot afford to fix the problem so I guess driving it until it dies is all I can do. No use losing sleep over it....

Selling David's truck is a necessity and it will allow us to get a van for me and Maggie's cleaning business. I don't think we are keeping the trailer so it is not like we need to haul that around either.

My son is one of the biggest hardest things.  By all rights he should have been able to be here with the rest of our family.  It seems to me he has been on the outside long enough and now he is really out there. The positive things are that he is working and making decent money, he also gets to live in a really nice city.

My youngest leaving home too, boy this is a real test for me. The baby leaving too!  I am happy that she is going to pursue her dreams for a good education, I just wish it were closer to home. But I also know this is best for her.  

Watching my cat be really sick and knowing his days on this earth are shorter is kind of depressing to watch.  He seems to scared and confused all the time.  He is also the last tie in our family when it was all together and happy. Mooch has been here though it all.  I still look out in the back yard and see our dogs running around when we first bought this place, shortly after that Mooch came into the picture.  So it will be sad, but it will be a comfort knowing he is not suffering anymore too.

As for the rest, I am just going to sit back and let the chips fall where they may because I really don't have control over anything except myself.  How I choose to deal with all of this is up to me.  

Life will get better as the law of averages says so or what goes around comes around, something like that right?   I am ok with that, I am not into fighting losing battles anymore....

So onward and upward we go!