I certainly did not have it in me to go to the doctors today for a couple of reasons, the biggest being I didn't get my labs done and I was afraid my doctor was going to be upset with me. I explained what has been going on in my family over the last several months and he was understanding concerning all that this family had been dealing with and the stress it is causing.

I told him about losing a family member, losing our building, losing my job, the big account we lost at work and how that affected things with in our family.  I told him my son moved out of town and that my baby was leaving for the university in the fall. That my husband was experiencing depression and anxiety. I was pretty forthcoming with all the bad and ugly details about our lives over this past year. 

There are things that I didn't tell him because I didn't have enough time to talk about everything going on and the emotional ride we have been on. Most of the unpleasant part of dealing with this is my ex husband and his callous regard for this family.

I would bet anything if he is helping any of our kids that he has to hide it from his wife. She would just not approve of him giving them money or anything else. I'm pretty certain she thinks his responsibility to his children has ended now that they are over eighteen years old.

Honestly speaking, we just don't talk about them when we are together anymore and it is best this way. It only causes me to burst out crying and David to get angry and the kids to feel very uncomfortable. So
when we are all together we really try hard to focus on our lives and nothing else.

I don't understand is why this kids father has not lifted one single finger to help either one of his daughters with their college expenses even; though he is the only one of us parents in a position to do so right now.

Our youngest daughter is selling all her art to help pay her part of the $2400 housing expense her friend had to lend her so she wouldn't lose her place. She won't ask her father for help though because of the situation that exists between them. In fact she is very hurt and angry with him for very good reason.

This crap just upsets me because I know her father could be helping her and her sister. We can only do so much ourselves. Our oldest daughter just got her tuition money cut in half and will now be forced to take out more student loans to cover her living expenses. 

This next one really bothers me because I just don't understand how they both thought it was perfectly ok to find my son a cheapo $500 car that leaks gasoline to drive on the highway back and forth to GB and home every weekend.
My cousin (certified GM mechanic) told him to not drive it and park it because it was dangerous to drive it like that. Gee, why didn't this own father think about that? I guess he just wanted the problem solved so the kid could get the hummer back, we all heard how he cant ride in anything other than that vehicle. Talk about teaching your kid to be materialistic!

Oh my son paid for the car because he was desperate to find something to drive. But I am sure they would never dream of expecting her son to drive a dangerous car like that, yet it seemed good enough for our son though? Yep! THAT is just bullshit! I could never put someone else kid over my own, ever, and if I ever do, shoot me please because I would have lost all my good sense!

In fact I would bet anything the she wishes his past life with any of us would just disappear like it never happened. I have to wonder this because he left all his clothing behind, his personal items and pictures of his kids, his animals, anything that attached him to his past with us was left behind. It is as if he stepped out of one life and into another. 

Wait until the hummer gets sold and yes I am pretty sure that will be on the chopping block soon enough. After all, we have all ridden in that thing at one time or another and that is a contamination she wants gone. 

It has not been easy letting that part of our lives go with him not being part of it anymore. It was not how we wanted it, but it is how they wanted it or at least how she wanted it. Well, they got their wish! 

I knew deep down inside the day she refused to let me apologize to her that it was the beginning of the end and I was right! 

I don't think I will get past how he could allow her to cause so much pain to all of us that have always had his back in life, even when his own family in Marquette had very little to do with him. WE were always there!

Scott has never really been very good at standing up for himself though and obviously not for any of us either! 

I've never held that against him until NOW, because NOW his choices cost a lot of us too much loss. He gave no consideration to anyone but her, so he has no right to expect anything from any of us.

So my doctors appointment today brought some of these issues to the table again. It's not pleasant in the least bit but in other respects, I cannot sugar coat how I feel. This IS how I am still feeling after all this time has passed and since my ex treats me like I am dead anyway, I guess what I write, speak or feel from here on in, should be of no concern to him.

I can't change 40 years of "us",  but I do hate his wife and nothing in this lifetime will ever change that for me or for any of us I suspect, not after watching the pain she has put my daughter though. She caused a separation her and her father and to be honest and he allowed it, so he is not innocent here either. There is no turning back on this one.

It's over and now we just get on with the business of our own lives, separately........