I am having mixed feelings today, it would be my dads eighty second birthday, a big coo if he were still alive. Instead of celebrating this occasion, it only reminds me that we never had much of a relationship because he was never around when we were growing up. This makes me feel sad when days like this come along. Sad because I am forced to remember what I didn't have growing up, a dad!

The other reason I feel sad and angry is because of my ex. I honestly don't think enough days could go past for me to forgive him.  He has still managed to stay out of site of me, it's almost been a year now. I am so tired of wasting my time thinking about him yet here I am, thinking about him and going though a ton of emotions. He makes me angry and cry still, I feel hurt and pissed like I want to punch him square in his face to let him feel a tenth of the pain he has been put this family though.

On the flip side, I feel very sorry for him because his relationship with his children and with us will never in this lifetime be the same, ever!  He has no idea what he lost!  He destroyed everything when he allowed that barracuda he married to make decisions that had a profound effect on every single one of us. 

All my he proved to me is that you really CANNOT depend on ANY man, they will all screw you in the end, even the ones you thought you could trust your life too!  Him and my father are not very far apart in how they treated their families, only difference is my father cut out early before we were attached, Scott waited until we were all attached, I am clearly not sure which one is worse!

So to all the men in the world that are blessed enough to have a wonderful gift of a precious family and just toss it aside, GO TO FUCKING HELL, its where you all belong!!!!!!

/END