Tonight we went down to the park to listen to a band. It was a tight sounding band but every song sounded the same as the last. I wish there were more bands around here with some PERSONALITY! 

We left after the raffle drawing because I had to pee like I do every second of the day on these water pills. My arm was sore too and the Motrin was not working so well. I got a prescription for a stronger pain medication but the doctor wants me to use them at bedtime only, so I guess I will be going to bed soon then.

Life is so depressing for me right now. I have lost interest in a lot of things.  I feel like I just don't care anymore. I've been pushed to my limits and broken down. 

Life for me just lost its luster......  

I don't know what me and David are going to do about the pilot driving now. Our biggest asset may have fallen though and no way for us to get him a vehicle to do this in.

I just don't get how one family can have so much go so wrong in so little time. Work, money, housing, animals, health have all taken a hit in this household, nothing has been spared that's for sure. Even Maggie is having a tough time.

Honestly, I don't know how David keeps it all together right now.  I am trying to be supportive for him but some days I wake up so angry at the world and don't want to see or talk to anyone. 

Wow, it took me almost four years to come out of my last stress induced depression and here I am going right back into another one.  I know I should talk to a professional to get a grip on this but I don't feel ready for that either.

I hope and yes I do pray, that things will come back together for our family and that God gives us the strength to hold on until this time passes and we build our lives back up to what it used to be. I am going to try and have a little of that faith in him people keep telling me to have. I am not giving up on everything just yet.

As always, my kids and husband, sister, animals are what keep me going. I am thankful for all of them, more than I can ever say. I understand that a day will come and this will all be just a bad memory crowded out by new and good memories.  Until then I will just take each day at a time......

Goodnight Cyb friends...